if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
