I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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