Tell her she can't have a vagina
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
