There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
