This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
