I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
