Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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