I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
