matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
