To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
