I cockslap morals
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
