No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
