Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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