tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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