Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
