Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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