Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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