Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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