the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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