my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
