So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
