How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
