He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
