Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
