how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
