Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
