the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
