i just had sex bonerless
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
