Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
