I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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