What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
