do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
