And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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