She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
A bitchslap is in order.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
