im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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