Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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