Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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