im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
