i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
