she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
