how can u be prego again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
