i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
