We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
