You're so nebulous sometimes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
