it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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