i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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