I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
