I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
