no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
