yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
