I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I smell stomach acid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
