The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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