Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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