Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
