sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
