my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He passed out mid-signature
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
