You can't motorboat a personality
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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