how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize