Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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