somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
