she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
