hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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