Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
