Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
