Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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