I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
