i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
