you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
im on a boat
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